Microsoft has announced a "Microsoft e" conference
Posted by: Anonymous
[ip: 151.188.247.104]
on April 02, 2008 03:06 AM
In a not-so-surprising move, the Microsoft Corporation (Nasdaq: MSFT) has responded to the recent O'Really Conference with its own "Microsoft-e" conference. It will be restricted to Microsoft employees ("Microsofties") and their immediate business and family partners.
Stefan Baalbreaker, the company's president and CEO, made the announcement at a Microsoft press conference earlier this afternoon.
"Those freeloading logicians have had hold of the tech press for long enough. We will answer their challenge of their Web 3.14159265358979323846... conference with Windows Expo 2.718281828459045..., so chosen to represent the total irrationality of not just my temper, but also the general tone of the conference. The oiler companies are simply too powerful for us to control, so we will leverage the power of Euler to control them! And if not, well, I'll just throw a chair at them for stealing our intellectual pauperity."
The theme of the conference, according to former Microsoft lead counsel Bill Nuke'em, will be the continued refinement and marketing of the Microsoft God product, which the firm acquired in the mid 1990's.
"We have not had quite the success with increasing Microsoft God's market share as we had hoped. It's not quite as bad as Microsoft Bob, but it is not optimal. Our expectation is that conference attendees will, through their inherent irrationality, be able to outperform the 'million monkey' theory and come up with a somewhat coherent solution. It may not be the works of Shakespeare, but hey, my stock's on the line! We've got to do something."
Requests for further details were coyly deflected, with Mr. Baalbreaker saying, "sorry, that information is patented, we cannot disclose what it is. That guy Linus Torvalds and his tribe of Penguins might decipher it and code a workaround...and we can't have that."
Linus Torvalds himself had few words for this story, saying only, "They are talking smack."
Reporting for Irrational Tech News, I'm Sum Yung Gai.
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Microsoft has announced a "Microsoft e" conference
Posted by: Anonymous [ip: 151.188.247.104] on April 02, 2008 03:06 AMStefan Baalbreaker, the company's president and CEO, made the announcement at a Microsoft press conference earlier this afternoon.
"Those freeloading logicians have had hold of the tech press for long enough. We will answer their challenge of their Web 3.14159265358979323846... conference with Windows Expo 2.718281828459045..., so chosen to represent the total irrationality of not just my temper, but also the general tone of the conference. The oiler companies are simply too powerful for us to control, so we will leverage the power of Euler to control them! And if not, well, I'll just throw a chair at them for stealing our intellectual pauperity."
The theme of the conference, according to former Microsoft lead counsel Bill Nuke'em, will be the continued refinement and marketing of the Microsoft God product, which the firm acquired in the mid 1990's.
"We have not had quite the success with increasing Microsoft God's market share as we had hoped. It's not quite as bad as Microsoft Bob, but it is not optimal. Our expectation is that conference attendees will, through their inherent irrationality, be able to outperform the 'million monkey' theory and come up with a somewhat coherent solution. It may not be the works of Shakespeare, but hey, my stock's on the line! We've got to do something."
Requests for further details were coyly deflected, with Mr. Baalbreaker saying, "sorry, that information is patented, we cannot disclose what it is. That guy Linus Torvalds and his tribe of Penguins might decipher it and code a workaround...and we can't have that."
Linus Torvalds himself had few words for this story, saying only, "They are talking smack."
Reporting for Irrational Tech News, I'm Sum Yung Gai.
--SYG
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