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Feature: Humor
SCO, MPAA, RIAA jointly sue entire world
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Comments"We have not ruled out legal action against beings on other planets who may be illegally copying radio or TV transmissions they pick up from their spacecraft or with super-powerful receivers on their home worlds," said ORAMITY spokesperson Hilary McBralenti, "but for now we are confining ourselves to inhabitants of Earth."
According to ORAMITY's Web site, which has now apparently been removed from the Internet since we can't find a URL for it, "Every living human has derived benefit from Linux in one way or another, and since American movies and music are available everywhere in one form or another, all residents of all countries have either viewed or heard them or have illegally used copyrighted phrases taken from movie dialog or song lyrics."
Two of the most popular copyrighted phrases used in everyday speech, according to McBralenti, are "I'll be back" and "Don't worry, be happy."
"The royalties owed on these two statements alone are higher than the entire Gross National Product of Jamaica," noted McBralenti.
A reporter pointed out that "Don't worry, be happy" may be the title of a popular song used in a movie, but the statement was first attributed to mystic Meher Baba, who had nothing to do with either the record or movie business. "Copyright is copyright," McBralenti said. "We paid for that copyright and the politicians who make copyright laws, so our members own it, just as they own 'Happy Birthday.'"
The amount sought by ORAMITY is $63 billion, which is approximately $10 from every living person.
"We feel this is absolutely fair, even a bargain," McBralenti said. "Everyone in the world has benefited in some way from information distributed on the Internet by servers running Linux. That alone justifies our modest financial demand. Add in the pleasure that movies and recorded music have given to us all, not to mention people who sing or act out our members' copyrighted material for their own enjoyment and the millions who run Linux on their home computers without paying for it, and you will surely agree that we could ask 10 times as much and it would still be a reasonable price."
A court date has not yet been determined, nor has ORAMITY decided where the lawsuit will be filed. "We're looking for a country where the legal system and legislature is, shall we say, eager to please major political campaign donors. Our members are certainly that, especially when our interests are at stake."
While McBralenti declined to name specific countries, sources close to the matter said top candidates included Bangladesh and Nigeria, reputedly the world's two most corrupt countries, but that the United States, where SCO, MPAA, and RIAA are all headquartered, may offer an even better political climate for this kind of legal action.
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on SCO, MPAA, RIAA jointly sue entire worldNote: Comments are owned by the poster. We are not responsible for their content.
If it was april i would never believe this story. Someone please shoot these money grabbing dick heads<nobr> <wbr></nobr>:)
If so, I sure wish I could have whatever it is that the RIAA, et al., are smoking - Colombian Gold, perhaps?
In reality, there are much fairer ways to regulate the market without making some sort ridiculous earnings cap. If you look at the socialist northern european countries for instance. They all are very successfull and are largely comprised of a "middle class" rather than the ever widening valley of class seperation we have here in the US.
A free market is a good thing. An anarchy of unregulated businesses is not, and ends up hindering freedom (as with anarchy of any kind).
The big equalyser (Internet) should find a solution for this. Actualy this the THE job for the RIAA but i don't think this on top of their agenda.
All that said this is GENIUS...I love the well executed satire and humor and I love the line about aliens not being exempt. Very clever, very well done, and very entertaining, Mr. Miller. Bravo!
Not everyone has a computer or other resource to 'steal' your stuff
No one in their right mind would pay you
This is total BS (assuming this is true)
Just for future reference...
Then again, we've got a world where certain corporate twits who think hiring<nobr> <wbr></nobr>/Darl Mcbride/ is a fabulous idea...
>twits who think hiring<nobr> <wbr></nobr>/Darl Mcbride/ is a fabulous idea...
Actually, the guy who hired him was Ransom Love, who has since left the company and sold all stock..<nobr> <wbr></nobr>.. which should mean something..
A lawsuit will be filed Monday, December, 8 2003, in US Federal Court, for $672,000,000,000.00
( 672 Trillion ). The named includes SCO,RIAA and others for Intellectual Property infringements.
The plaintive, one Leonardo Da Vinci has repeatedly asked that his work not be used without compensation.
We will have to wait to learn more of this turn of events.
Next the MPAA didn't even come knocking at my door when I timeshifted that most recent movie on HBO and then space shifted it to my office.
And finally, SCO didn't even bother to subpena or invoice me either!
So please don't raise my hopes up with this one!
This extra tax is to compensate the music industry for their losses. Well Ive NEVER copied a music CD in my life - if I did it now woudl it be piracy ? I mean Ive already payed the music industry for the privilege of buying a CD-R from someone else.
So if 5.5 kroner of every CD-R I use (for data) goes to the music industry and a music CD is 150 kroner - does that mean every 30 CD's I use for something else, entitles me to make a pirat musci CD ?
Soren - Denmark
It seems that many laws are made that only penalize the law-abiding. Often, we're the only ones following some pathetic rule coz our mums (or the Bible) taught us that that was the right thing to do. I find this often with government agencies; some have actually told me to break their rules and not tell them ("every one does") while I try to explain why I can't!
But this tax seems kind of like insuranxe. X% will steal so everyone pays Y% to cover the fact -- except that insurance is supposed to cover unintentional not willful actions. I guess if enough of us (logically) decide that we can now break copyright law coz we've paid to do so then X quickly increases and Y must too. So the only ones benefitting are the law breakers unless the law is changed so everyone can do it.
So how about an exemption? Register with some authority as a law abider (backed up by credible witnesses) and you're given the benefit of the doubt: innocent until proven guilty with an ID card to prove it. Flash it at the cops when you make some silly, I've-done-that traffic error and they probably let you off -- or punch your card as a warning. Why not? Portable reputation. The end of racial profiling?
Hey, this could have a powerful effect some day. "Do you have your good-guy card?" says the salesperson. "Uh, no" whispers the purchaser, embarrassed, "I, um, left it in my other wallet."
Paul Levey, Canada.
And lets have Boies as the lawyer who defends everybody against everybody.
BS
Remember
Posted by: Randall McFarlane on December 06, 2003 10:24 PM#