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Feature: Humor
Horton AV announces avian flu vaccine for Linux
By David 'cdlu' Graham
on
October 16, 2005 (8:00:00 AM)
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Reacting to fears that the avian flu outbreak recently reported in Turkey could spread to Linux, anti-virus vendor Horton AV has released what it calls an effective vaccine.
"We know that Linux is vulnerable to viruses," claimed Horton AV spokesman Bob Sinister, "but up until now we have been unable to identify any legitimate threats, in spite of our industry's frequent announcements. Avian flu, however, is a serious threat to Linux, due to Linux's close association with penguins."
Sinister insisted that all Linux users should purchase the vaccine immediately to protect their systems. "We're answering President Bush's call for a vaccine that is rapid to produce and distribute," Sinister said.
Horton AV's quick reaction to President Bush's call and the outbreak has other anti-virus companies scrambling to come up with their own avian flu vaccines for Linux.
SalmonTec has just released an announcement that they, too, take the avian flu threat to Linux seriously. "SalmonTec believes that the avian flu is the first demonstrable viral threat to Linux due to Linux's security and permissions infrastructure. No other known virus can go around the security and go straight for the heart of the system. The avian flu is highly evolved, having travelled from Vietnam to Turkey in just two years, we expect it to reach Linux by the middle of 2006," read a statement from the anti-virus company.
Distributed Evaluation of Corporate Emergencies and Internet Threats (DECEIT) Coordination Centre spokesman William Sturgeon agreed with SalmonTec and Horton AV's assessment of the avian flu virus, stating, "It is a very dangerous virus. Users should be careful not to open email attachments received from affected countries."
Tux was unable to comment on the advice of his doctors.
Comments
on Horton AV announces avian flu vaccine for LinuxNote: Comments are owned by the poster. We are not responsible for their content.
Onion, funny? Are we thinking about the same site? The is easily the same level of quality that's at the Onion.
Can somebody more in tune with popular culture tell me whether this is classified as humour purely because it's in poor taste? Otherwise, I don't get it. Actually, even if it is, I don't get it.
I have the same problem with Farrelly brothers movies.
Does this mean we can expect some tiresome gags conflating network security with "Homeland Security"? Granted many more people died in 9/11 than from avian flu, and the avian flu victims are generally only asians, but I don't see why any tragedy shouldn't be mined for laboured satire.
Hey: what's the difference between Windows XP and the World Trade Centre? It happens to XP several times a day.
I have the same problem with Farrelly brothers movies.
Does this mean we can expect some tiresome gags conflating network security with "Homeland Security"? Granted many more people died in 9/11 than from avian flu, and the avian flu victims are generally only asians, but I don't see why any tragedy shouldn't be mined for laboured satire.
Hey: what's the difference between Windows XP and the World Trade Centre? It happens to XP several times a day.
Granted many more people died in 9/11 than from avian flu,and the avian flu victims are generally only asians, but I don't see why any tragedy shouldn't be mined for laboured satire.
Your point being? Jokes about non-US citizens dieing aren't as bad as comparable jokes about Americans?
Depends on who you are and what you believe.
"Your point being? Jokes about non-US citizens dieing aren't as bad as comparable jokes about Americans?"
PLEASE for the love of shibby don't think that this nutsack represents any normal majority of my country...
PLEASE for the love of shibby don't think that this nutsack represents any normal majority of my country...
you guys obviously missed the sarcasm
This disease could kill as much as 8 millions people. That wasn't a very funny joke. And that wasn't the place either.
Update: 150M
could you please point out to me the part where he makes fun of the fact that this flu can kill people? I missed that part.
I get it, but it is more than a tad out of taste.
I for one, am tired of all the effort people go to these days to be "Politically Correct". Personally, I enjoy something that's in "bad taste", particularly when it stirs up all the folks who fight for more political correctness in our life.
This article works for me as satire on several levels. First, at the extent companies will go to spread some sort of FUD about the security of Linux, no matter what absurdities they have to claim in the process. Secondly, at the lengths the big antivirus comnpanies will go to to provide a "solution" to a problem that doesn't exist, or a solution to a real problem that supplies a "bandaid", rather than a genuine solution. AV companies cannot provide a genuine, long-lasting solution, since it would interfere with their revenue stream.
As for using Avian flu for humor, I'm getting tired of the news media beating the drum on avian flu, trying to encite a panic (to improve readership, no doubt). The best thing people can do is not worry about it, but wash their hands regularly and cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze. That's what prevents the spread of the flu.
Personally, I find the article harmless fun. It's not like we're killing baby penguins or anything, right?
This article works for me as satire on several levels. First, at the extent companies will go to spread some sort of FUD about the security of Linux, no matter what absurdities they have to claim in the process. Secondly, at the lengths the big antivirus comnpanies will go to to provide a "solution" to a problem that doesn't exist, or a solution to a real problem that supplies a "bandaid", rather than a genuine solution. AV companies cannot provide a genuine, long-lasting solution, since it would interfere with their revenue stream.
As for using Avian flu for humor, I'm getting tired of the news media beating the drum on avian flu, trying to encite a panic (to improve readership, no doubt). The best thing people can do is not worry about it, but wash their hands regularly and cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze. That's what prevents the spread of the flu.
Personally, I find the article harmless fun. It's not like we're killing baby penguins or anything, right?
The media drum-beating is appropriate. The CDC, WHO, etc. say that a pandemic killing millions is possible.
I read the joke as drawing a parallel between
the idea that virus companies are actually
resposible for the creation of viruses to
support their own greedy gains -- and state
sponsored terrorism allowing governments of
the day to legislate against their political
apponents and perhaps to create bioligical
weapons masked as strange new viruses -- for
their own greedy gains.
the idea that virus companies are actually
resposible for the creation of viruses to
support their own greedy gains -- and state
sponsored terrorism allowing governments of
the day to legislate against their political
apponents and perhaps to create bioligical
weapons masked as strange new viruses -- for
their own greedy gains.
Here's one on government sponsored terrorism:
<a href="ahref=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filiberto_Ojeda_Riosrel=url2html-3343" title="newsforge.com">ahref=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filiberto_Ojed<nobr>a<wbr></nobr> _Riosrel=url2html-3343</a newsforge.com>http://en.wikipedia.org/wik<nobr>i<wbr></nobr> /Filiberto_Ojeda_Rios>
<a href="ahref=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filiberto_Ojeda_Riosrel=url2html-3343" title="newsforge.com">ahref=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filiberto_Ojed<nobr>a<wbr></nobr> _Riosrel=url2html-3343</a newsforge.com>http://en.wikipedia.org/wik<nobr>i<wbr></nobr> /Filiberto_Ojeda_Rios>
If the joke is funny enough, it's funny in spite of (or even more because) it's in bad taste.
Unfortunately, I don't think this article achieved that status. Keep trying, guys... no hard feelings from me.
Unfortunately, I don't think this article achieved that status. Keep trying, guys... no hard feelings from me.
Get a life everyone !
Where do the comparison with 9/11 come from !!?!
Aren't you a little amused thinking about tux with a scarf and a pack of tissues ?
Well, I am<nobr> <wbr></nobr>:)
Where do the comparison with 9/11 come from !!?!
Aren't you a little amused thinking about tux with a scarf and a pack of tissues ?
Well, I am<nobr> <wbr></nobr>:)
Making a joke about the real danger of avian flu is in bad taste.
Making a joke about companies callously exploiting the alarm over a real danger to stir up panic over a silly, impossible danger is not the same thing.
Making a joke about companies callously exploiting the alarm over a real danger to stir up panic over a silly, impossible danger is not the same thing.
I think it was worth running, just to see how anal people can be. It's just like at work, you crack a little joke about the weather, and suddenly it's millions of people dying in the rain!
I remember this got to the point where a crazy old manager screamed: "There will be no more laughter in my department!"
how about the families of the +66 people who have
Posted by: Anonymous Coward on October 17, 2005 11:38 AM
Those who say it's just the media hyping this up, well that's just ignorant, it's the World Health Organization (WHO)that says that 5 to 150 million people could die & the US Center for Disease Control says 2 to 7.4 million people could die. Thats a lot of people.
Anyway you look at this, even if a cure was found tomorrow, +66 people have died from bird flu & ~60 are infected at the moment & are likely to die. They were fathers, mothers, daughters, sons... they cried & laughed just like us & they deserve more respect that to be the butt of a joke.
What in gods name gives David Graham, or anyone the right to make a mockery of that in the name of alleged humor. I wonder if David (& anyone else who finds this funny) will still find it humorous when Bird Flu hits Canada & white people are dying instead of just yellow people in Asia.
David you have written some crap in your time, you have written some good stuff as well that has no doubt helped the Linux cause, but this article is down right offensive & YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO THE FAMILIES OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED, ARE DYING & WILL DIE FROM THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE.
I live in one of those countries unfortunate to be affected by bird flu & each time one of my kids gets a sniffle, you wonder, could this be it, how well washed were those eggs we brought, have they been playing with any kids who have been at the bird markets?
My Ubuntu desktop is great & Linux has change my life immeasurably, but i think this article neither helps promote our cause, nor does it reflect the sense of global community that embodies the free software movement.
Obviously the editor at www.newsforge.com also saw the death of +66 people as funny.
If you we as offended by this as i was, i urge you to write to newsforge's advertisers (HP & IBM) & ask them do they support the view that bird flu & the death of +66 people is funny, if not why are they paying money to have their company logos put next to this diatribe making fun of the deaths of innocent people;
IBM's CEO is Sam Palmisano & he can be reached <a href="https://www.ibm.com/cgi-bin/email-sjp.pl" title="ibm.com">https://www.ibm.com/cgi-bin/email-sjp.pl</a ibm.com>
HP's CEO is Mark Hurd & he can be reached at <a href="http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/execteam/email/hurd/" title="hp.com">http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/execteam/email/hurd/</a hp.com>
Anyway you look at this, even if a cure was found tomorrow, +66 people have died from bird flu & ~60 are infected at the moment & are likely to die. They were fathers, mothers, daughters, sons... they cried & laughed just like us & they deserve more respect that to be the butt of a joke.
What in gods name gives David Graham, or anyone the right to make a mockery of that in the name of alleged humor. I wonder if David (& anyone else who finds this funny) will still find it humorous when Bird Flu hits Canada & white people are dying instead of just yellow people in Asia.
David you have written some crap in your time, you have written some good stuff as well that has no doubt helped the Linux cause, but this article is down right offensive & YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO THE FAMILIES OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED, ARE DYING & WILL DIE FROM THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE.
I live in one of those countries unfortunate to be affected by bird flu & each time one of my kids gets a sniffle, you wonder, could this be it, how well washed were those eggs we brought, have they been playing with any kids who have been at the bird markets?
My Ubuntu desktop is great & Linux has change my life immeasurably, but i think this article neither helps promote our cause, nor does it reflect the sense of global community that embodies the free software movement.
Obviously the editor at www.newsforge.com also saw the death of +66 people as funny.
If you we as offended by this as i was, i urge you to write to newsforge's advertisers (HP & IBM) & ask them do they support the view that bird flu & the death of +66 people is funny, if not why are they paying money to have their company logos put next to this diatribe making fun of the deaths of innocent people;
IBM's CEO is Sam Palmisano & he can be reached <a href="https://www.ibm.com/cgi-bin/email-sjp.pl" title="ibm.com">https://www.ibm.com/cgi-bin/email-sjp.pl</a ibm.com>
HP's CEO is Mark Hurd & he can be reached at <a href="http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/execteam/email/hurd/" title="hp.com">http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/execteam/email/hurd/</a hp.com>
Re:how about the families of the +66 people who ha
Posted by: Anonymous Coward on October 17, 2005 02:01 PM
Off the CDC site:
"Every year in the United States, on average:
* 5% to 20% of the population gets the flu;
* more than 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu complications, and;
* about 36,000 people die from flu."
You think people don't joke about the "human" strand of the flu?
Why do people always concentrate on the "breaking news" and never on the things that are really significant in their current situation?
Why don't you worry about this predicted 'outbreak', when it exists? There are many more current and significant issues that you could be concentrating on today.
There is nothing wrong with joking about death. I know people fear it so much, as they fear most of the unknown, and of change, but it is just as much a part of life as anything else people joke about.
Just so you know, you are going to die someday, as am I, as is everyone else. There, there, now, calm down, you'll get over it. Just make the best of the life you can enjoy, and quit your belly aching. Every aspect of life deserves a little laughter.
"Every year in the United States, on average:
* 5% to 20% of the population gets the flu;
* more than 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu complications, and;
* about 36,000 people die from flu."
You think people don't joke about the "human" strand of the flu?
Why do people always concentrate on the "breaking news" and never on the things that are really significant in their current situation?
Why don't you worry about this predicted 'outbreak', when it exists? There are many more current and significant issues that you could be concentrating on today.
There is nothing wrong with joking about death. I know people fear it so much, as they fear most of the unknown, and of change, but it is just as much a part of life as anything else people joke about.
Just so you know, you are going to die someday, as am I, as is everyone else. There, there, now, calm down, you'll get over it. Just make the best of the life you can enjoy, and quit your belly aching. Every aspect of life deserves a little laughter.
Honestly, the joke wasn't even about death, and it wasn't even about a flu infecting humans. It was about a "bird flu" infecting tux, the penguin & linux. I grant you it can infect humans, but such an issue was not at all mentioned or targeted, so I don't know why anyone would comment on such a an issue here, under an article that talks about the "bird flu", which I'm sure has been around since the dinasours, infecting an operating system. What does this have to do with human infections or humans dying?
This is not a new joke, by the way. People have joked about human viruses infecting computers, since viruses existed.
Your comment seems out of context. You should post it on a terrorist forum or send it to someone who is actually promoting death. Not under an article that talks about computer software and a strain of flu that has existed as long as birds on this planet.
This is not a new joke, by the way. People have joked about human viruses infecting computers, since viruses existed.
Your comment seems out of context. You should post it on a terrorist forum or send it to someone who is actually promoting death. Not under an article that talks about computer software and a strain of flu that has existed as long as birds on this planet.
Re:how about the families of the +66 people who ha
Posted by: Anonymous Coward on October 17, 2005 04:30 PM
Jokes are just that, jokes and people who try to interpretate them as something else should really get a life. There is too much political correctness in the world today and that is more to be worried about than what was said in the article.
Personally I liked the article and it made good use of a play on words which actually makes English humor, humorous.
Here's politically correct statement that will affect everyone. In one hundred years most people living today will be dead and I have never met a living person over one hundred and thirty years old. If that upset you well I seriously suggest you get out more, because I was stating the stark truth.
Sometimes the truth sucks, however if it is wrapped with a humorous slant then life becomes much more bearable. Talk to most soldiers who have seen active duty and if they think you can understand they will tell you how they coped with death and in the majority of cases humor actually plays a huge part because those that don't embrace humor usually end up with severe psychological problems.
Personally I liked the article and it made good use of a play on words which actually makes English humor, humorous.
Here's politically correct statement that will affect everyone. In one hundred years most people living today will be dead and I have never met a living person over one hundred and thirty years old. If that upset you well I seriously suggest you get out more, because I was stating the stark truth.
Sometimes the truth sucks, however if it is wrapped with a humorous slant then life becomes much more bearable. Talk to most soldiers who have seen active duty and if they think you can understand they will tell you how they coped with death and in the majority of cases humor actually plays a huge part because those that don't embrace humor usually end up with severe psychological problems.
Re:how about the families of the +66 people who ha
Posted by: Anonymous Coward on October 17, 2005 10:23 PM
Currency is the issue here
We can all make fun of the black death in Monty Python... "bring out ye dead"... it's kind of funny or the grim reaper seen "i am death" funny.
Making light of something that is happening now, not so funny.
911 Twin Towers jokes, Pakistan earth quake jokes & bird flu jokes are all in poor taste, because of their currency, this is real for people so it's not funny!
now if it's death humor you want<nobr> <wbr></nobr>.. this is funny
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman, particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl. She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
P.S. I'm sure my grandmother would find this equally as offensive because of the currency!
We can all make fun of the black death in Monty Python... "bring out ye dead"... it's kind of funny or the grim reaper seen "i am death" funny.
Making light of something that is happening now, not so funny.
911 Twin Towers jokes, Pakistan earth quake jokes & bird flu jokes are all in poor taste, because of their currency, this is real for people so it's not funny!
now if it's death humor you want<nobr> <wbr></nobr>.. this is funny
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman, particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl. She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
P.S. I'm sure my grandmother would find this equally as offensive because of the currency!
This is exactly right.
My grandmother would find this halarious. It just depends on the heart of the person. If you don't concentrate on the offensiveness of topics, and rather concentrate on the humorous, knowledgeable, or otherwise beneficial aspects of the topic, you can get a lot more benefit from any topic.
Why concentrate on everything that is negative about anything? I'm sure you can find something negative about everything if you choose to think that way. But don't count on this attitude making your life a pleasant one.
Why concentrate on everything that is negative about anything? I'm sure you can find something negative about everything if you choose to think that way. But don't count on this attitude making your life a pleasant one.
If a humor article is all it takes to fire you up over 66 people, how about:
"in 2004, 16,694 people were killed in alcohol-related crashes - an average of one almost every half-hour. These deaths constituted approximately 39 percent of the 42,636 total traffic fatalities." (in the USA)
<a href="http://www.madd.org/stats/0,1056,1112,00.html" title="madd.org">http://www.madd.org/stats/0,1056,1112,00.html</a madd.org>
So should we boycott the car magazines? Boycott car dealers? Flame anyone who makes car, oil, mechanic, or alcohol related jokes?
YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO THE FAMILIES OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED, ARE DYING & WILL DIE FROM THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE.
No, you just need to get a grip. Yes, death is not funny to those involved but I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Millions of people around the world are dying today. In 2002, the USA had 696,947 people die of heart disease. Should we ban all fat people jokes?
Was this newsforge article directed at the relatives of the 66 dead people? No.
Your subject title "how about the families of the +66 people who have " might well have been written "Think of the children. Oh, the inhumanity of it all!" boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo. I'm cryin' in my beer.
"in 2004, 16,694 people were killed in alcohol-related crashes - an average of one almost every half-hour. These deaths constituted approximately 39 percent of the 42,636 total traffic fatalities." (in the USA)
<a href="http://www.madd.org/stats/0,1056,1112,00.html" title="madd.org">http://www.madd.org/stats/0,1056,1112,00.html</a madd.org>
So should we boycott the car magazines? Boycott car dealers? Flame anyone who makes car, oil, mechanic, or alcohol related jokes?
YOU OWE AN APOLOGY TO THE FAMILIES OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED, ARE DYING & WILL DIE FROM THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE.
No, you just need to get a grip. Yes, death is not funny to those involved but I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Millions of people around the world are dying today. In 2002, the USA had 696,947 people die of heart disease. Should we ban all fat people jokes?
Was this newsforge article directed at the relatives of the 66 dead people? No.
Your subject title "how about the families of the +66 people who have " might well have been written "Think of the children. Oh, the inhumanity of it all!" boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo. I'm cryin' in my beer.
Check out who the Chairman of Gilead Sciences is, note, Gilead is the company that licences Tamiflu to Roche. Here is their website.
<a href="http://www.gilead.com/wt/sec/about" title="gilead.com">http://www.gilead.com/wt/sec/about</a gilead.com>
Here is the link to the chairman's page.
<a href="http://www.gilead.com/wt/sec/pr_933190157/" title="gilead.com">http://www.gilead.com/wt/sec/pr_933190157/</a gilead.com>
Bird flu - it's largely a joke. 100 or so people dead world wide and governments around the world a spending billions on Tamiflu. Haha... You've all been had.
<a href="http://www.gilead.com/wt/sec/about" title="gilead.com">http://www.gilead.com/wt/sec/about</a gilead.com>
Here is the link to the chairman's page.
<a href="http://www.gilead.com/wt/sec/pr_933190157/" title="gilead.com">http://www.gilead.com/wt/sec/pr_933190157/</a gilead.com>
Bird flu - it's largely a joke. 100 or so people dead world wide and governments around the world a spending billions on Tamiflu. Haha... You've all been had.
People have joked about human viruses infecting computers since computer viruses have existed, and it has always been a funny concept. The connection made between "The Bird Flu" and "Tux the penguin", just adds new depth to the joke.
The hostile comments made by people trying to twist this little joke into a "death promoting" message, are so completely out of place, they add even more humor to the article.
Anyone who would interpret this article as one that makes lite of "mass death", is someone who has fear and hatred in his heart. For these people, it would benefit them greatly to take some 'happy pills' (kidding), or at least reread this article with less of a 'hatred bias'. Once you do this, you will realize that the article DOES NOT jump out of its context to inform the reader "people can die from the bird flu, and this is no big deal!"
Whether or not 'people dying from the flu' is funny, is up to you, but don't confuse this with a 'bird flu' infecting an OS mascot which happens to be a bird.
Again, I stress, please don't interpret the world as being more hostile than it already is. Lighten up, and thank those who are only trying to add a little bit of fun, and laughter to our lives. I think if you made the extra little bit of effort to realize who is being hostile, and who is only trying to brighten your day, you will be a much more pleasant individual and will live a much happier life.
The hostile comments made by people trying to twist this little joke into a "death promoting" message, are so completely out of place, they add even more humor to the article.
Anyone who would interpret this article as one that makes lite of "mass death", is someone who has fear and hatred in his heart. For these people, it would benefit them greatly to take some 'happy pills' (kidding), or at least reread this article with less of a 'hatred bias'. Once you do this, you will realize that the article DOES NOT jump out of its context to inform the reader "people can die from the bird flu, and this is no big deal!"
Whether or not 'people dying from the flu' is funny, is up to you, but don't confuse this with a 'bird flu' infecting an OS mascot which happens to be a bird.
Again, I stress, please don't interpret the world as being more hostile than it already is. Lighten up, and thank those who are only trying to add a little bit of fun, and laughter to our lives. I think if you made the extra little bit of effort to realize who is being hostile, and who is only trying to brighten your day, you will be a much more pleasant individual and will live a much happier life.
I like humor, specially bad taste humor... but it have to be homoristic... sorry, your not funny at all.
Well I think this was a very funny article. I would not be surprised to see some earnest young IT reporter on the local news reporting this and warning people of a new vector for the flu virus. I think the angry reponses are all from people who had to google to find out if it could be true or not.
More articles like this please.
More articles like this please.
Anyone ever sing Ring a ring of roses when they were a kid? Do you know what that's about?
Besides, I thought it was a joke on the continual doomsday prohesising from anti-virus software companies warning of a pandemic Linux virus, rather than avian flu.
Besides, I thought it was a joke on the continual doomsday prohesising from anti-virus software companies warning of a pandemic Linux virus, rather than avian flu.
Bingo!
False! Ring around the Rosey was written in 1894, a little late for the black death and eraliest versions lack the lines "analyzed" to be plague references. Check it out at snopes.com
bad taste
Posted by: Anonymous Coward on October 16, 2005 07:35 PMBad taste.
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