Dear Adelie, I think my girlfriend is seeing a Windows user on the sly. How can I win her back?
-- John from OhioJohn, after spending some computing time with a Windows user, she's probably picked up some nasty infections. You don't want her back. Move on, and good luck out there.
Dear Adelie, What breed are you and Tux?
-- Vinnie from New Jersey
Excuse me? Are you one of those men who walks up to a girl in a bar and asks what her "background" is? Maybe you are, Vinnie. The press, which as you know can be quite intrusive, has speculated that we are little penguins (Eudyptula minor) or black-footed penguins (Spheniscus demersus). The former are also known as fairy penguins (which some find offensive); the latter are also known as jackass penguins (which I for one do not appreciate). If you feel that by disgorging these facts I am evading your question, perhaps you have a little more discernment than I gave you credit for. A girl has to maintain a certain air of mystery.
Ask Adelie your question.