LLA announces new skill requirements and fees for Linux users

BULLENSTINE, USA — The LLA (Linux Liberation Army) announced today that it has adopted tough new rules governing all future Linux users. Driven by the escalating popularity of Linux and the accompanying surge in requests for support from new users, the LLA sees raising the barrier to further Linux adoption to be more than just a good idea, so it’s now the law.

Effective immediately, according to LLA spokesperson and Corporal-for-Life Jose Barrito, prospective Linux users will be given a competence test covering C programming, PHP, and online debating skills in one of three key areas: editors, distros, and desktop environment preferences.

According to Barrito, not only will the 8-hour examination cull out the weak and lame wannabes, thus reducing the whimpering and moaning typical of new Linux users, it will help raise money for the Guinness Retirement Home and Rehab Center for Old Kernel Hackers, which is scheduled to open April 1, 2009. “Given that the typical Windows or Mac user will save $15,782 during the first five years after switching to Linux, we don’t feel that the $4,999.99 test fee is high at all,” Barrito said.

Predictably, BSD proponent Tito De Raat pooh-poohed the announcement, saying simply that “If Linux wants to be serious about raising the bar to adoption, they’ll soon come around to my way of doing things.”