April 1, 2004

Secret messages found in GNU Emacs

Author: Serge Wroclawski

Further fueling accusations that well known computer hacker Richard
Stallman is a communist, researchers have discovered that his popular
editing software, "GNU Emacs" contains communist propaganda which
displays at startup and randomly during the program's use.When the Emacs program begins, the words "Christianity is Stupid" are
displayed in the center of the screen for just a fraction of a
second. This anti-religion phrase is then followed up with "Communism
is Good" as well as the subversive "Give Up!".

Randomly throughout the day, the program flashes one of these three
key phrases onto the computer monitor. It does this so quickly as to
be unperceivable to the naked eye, though the phrases are clearly
visible with special high speed cameras.

The subversive messages have been found in the "play" folder, normally
reserved for games. But it was no joke when computer programmer Chris
Grigg began to question his own faith: "I'd always been a follower of
Christ, but after a few years of using GNU Emacs, I'd started to
wonder if I'd chosen the right path."

Though no formal studies have been conclusive on the issue of
subliminal messages, doctor David Wills explains, "While short
term studies of subliminal messages have yet to confirm a correlation
between the messages and action, it's undeniable that after staring at
a computer screen for seventeen hours a day, they [Emacs users] will
begin to accept the messages as part of their own internal thought
processes."

The admitted perpetrator of this attack on America's democracy is the
creator of Emacs itself, Richard Stallman, commonly known on the
Internet as "RMS".

"Free Software includes the freedom to express your opinion." retorts
Stallman when confronted with the accusation in a press conference
Wednesday, "We all know that until people cast aside the trappings of
capitalism, there will never be the mass acceptance of Free
Software. This is at the heart of the GNU project which I started
twenty years ago."

Luckily, not all all Emacs users are as secular as Mr. Stallman. "I've
been using Emacs and Linux for years" explains Columbia Law Professor
and former Stallman friend Eben Moglen, "but I never thought it would
come to this. It makes me question many of the decisions I've made
over the years. Say what you will of Bill Gate's products, Microsoft
has always promoted family values."

Category:

  • Humor