June 8, 2001

Web review: Grapes fixin' to explode and help getting over MS

Author: JT Smith

- By Tina Gasperson -
Sometimes it's good to lighten up. The art of laughing at oneself and others doesn't get enough credit in this world of Open Source seriousness, so this week we happily bring you The Support Group for People Used by Microsoft, and other assorted oddities.Sure, for tech humor there's Segfault, and they're funny all right -- but the release schedule is a bit too laid back. I want more funniness, and I want it more often! So here are some splitches and splotches of humor, stupidity, and corniness that I've found in various places, for consumption at your own discretion. WARNING: originality and intelligence are not guaranteed. So proceed at your own risk, bubba.

Microsoft releases first Open Source application
So you think you're computer illiterate? -- these have to be fabricated. No one is this stupid.
Cartoon laws of physics -- "The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty
flights to attempt to capture it unbroken."
Real programmers. -- "If you can't do it in FORTRAN, do it in assembly language. If you can't do it in assembly language, it isn't worth doing."
You too, can speak Gaelic -- by Isaac Asimov
Fun with grapes, a case study -- "Properly prepared, the common seedless grape can be made to combust spectacularly when subjected to a short (5-10 second) duration of microwaves."
Breastclick -- it's the closest some of you will ever get.
Gates Says Linux Best OS Ever -- wow!
Xbox Features Active Death Technology

Now that you're warmed up, we present to you an entire site full of MS-bashing parodic silliness: The Support Group for People Used by Microsoft. SGPUM is sponsored by Humorix, a Linux and Open Source oriented humor site. One of the first things you'll notice upon visiting the site is YAMOO!, a directory of more than 1,500 links to anti-Microsoft sites. That should keep you busy for a few minutes.

There's a 12-step program outlined on the site to help Msofties get over it, and an anti-MS webring (though a lot of the links are dead; maybe the Gates mafia yanked them). Pay a visit to SGPUM; if you're very bored or dead tired, it might make you laugh. At the very least, it'll make you feel good about being a non-Microsoft user.

PS: I never realized that I'm a Linux redneck, but this page says that if I use the word "fixin'" in close proximity to the word "kernel" that's exactly what I am. I never knew that getting ready to eat fried chicken out on the back porch had anything whatsoever to do with Open Source.

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